If your relationship with your body has been anything like mine, you spent most of your teens and twenties fighting it; wishing it were different. Then your thirties was a time of reconciliation and learning to work as a team. And then comes the forties, with its dreaded perimenopause. And it's almost like you’re back to square one. Here’s the ways in which I am finding I need to work extra hard to cultivate trust and confidence in my body.

Podcast hosts often ask me, “What was it about Pilates, specifically, that was so helpful for your back pain.” I have for years looked back and tried to piece together why those early mat classes were so beneficial. Since that first class I have experienced many teachers and studios and each individual teacher has their own approach, typically informed by their own individual experience and physical hurdles. Some have felt amazing; others, not so much.

Combining my own varied experience of other teachers along with client observations, I put together and have continued to refine my Restorative Pilates Mat format, which is the only kind of mat class I teach at Movement Remedies. This format includes what I believe is the winning formula for a Pilates mat class for musculoskeletal pain sufferers.

For so many years, when I thought of exercise, I thought of an obligation or a task I had to complete. Exercise was synonymous with doing what had to be done to get it over with: putting in sufficient time, steps, calorie burn, etc. in order to make me feel like I had done enough. Exercise was an activity to eliminate guilt. And this made me learn to resent it. This made me naturally invent excuses to get around it. My feelings about exercise as just another activity to help me earn my worth got tangled up with my distorted relationship with food. Little did I know, this transactional understanding of my own value also wove its way into my experience with pain.

The idea that we would pick one form of movement as therapeutically superior to another is, in my view, far too narrow and not backed by evidence. It’s not the movements we choose but how that matters. Any kind of movement can be intentional, mindful and oriented towards well-being as the primary goal. I personally find working kettlebells to be therapeutic. I love the rhythm of the swinging and the sense of strength and confidence, as well as the focus that is required. I also enjoy animal flow, dance, Zumba, and swimming. There are many others that have different, but equally valuable, benefits, such as hiking and connecting to nature.

When I first decided to write a book about my journey with movement after decades of chronic pain, I did not anticipate going on TV to talk about it less than one year later. But as I have spoken to more and more people who–like me–did not think that getting active again was possible in the face of pain, it has become increasingly evident that the message of hope and empowerment that is in You’re Meant to Move needs to get out in the world.

What we discussed in this Wellness Wednesday segment on Boston 25 are the questions I hear most often from people who are skeptical that working with me could help them get active again.

I have been reflecting a lot on the underestimated power of showing up. If you are anything like me, just showing up has never felt like enough. I have always felt like the value of my presence anywhere is variable; dependent upon my performance once I arrive. I mean, it’s logical, I can see the ways in which this is true. I cannot show up to work and refuse to participate in projects or ignore client requests and expect to be successful. But is it possible that we have taken this too far? Does it make sense for the notion of “being your best” to permeate every part of your life, 24 hours a day?

In the research I found that peripheral neuropathy patients were usually divided into two groups according to two of the most common causes of this syndrome: diabetic peripheral neuropathy (DPN) and chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy (CIPN). For both groups, exercise was found to be beneficial, either in conjunction with or even as an alternative to standard treatment protocols for peripheral neuropathy.

For DPN, there was a particular emphasis on resistance-based training, but both DPN and CPN populations were found to benefit from the balance- and body-awareness-based kind of exercises that are integral to the Pilates approach to movement. I never cease to be amazed by how far ahead of his time Joseph Pilates was. He really built a system of exercises and equipment that benefits people on the complete spectrum of the human condition.

Most people who come here have never done Pilates before. All the complex equipment is foreign and, oftentimes, intimidating. On top of that, most clients have tried a million things already to get out of pain and are at the point of desperation, frustration, indignation–or all of the above! And more than that–I can relate to all of these things and can validate that experience. People are skeptical that anything can help and yet changing that mindset is an essential part of getting comfortable being active. We all want to feel good in our bodies but it’s SO hard to figure out how to get started. Many have never actually felt comfortable and safe in their bodies before.

While people come to Movement Remedies because they have heard about the unique expertise in helping people conquer persistent pain to get moving again, I think they stay because of our core values. It’s not just the novel approach to movement coaching, but how those services are delivered.

I get it, we talk a lot about low back and hip pain around here. Heck, I even have a free movement class on my website explicitly dedicated to low back and hip pain! So what about the rest of the spine, right? Or the whole body while we’re at it? By definition, Pilates is a whole body movement method. But it does have its limitations, especially when it comes to building strength. The standard apparatus–especially things we use in a group setting–are focused mainly on the spine and major joints. But, there are definitely things we can incorporate into our movement practice that helps bring more love and attention to the upper body. This is another area (in addition to the low back) that is frequently the site of chronic pain. So let’s get into it.

Making progress on movement after pain requires conversation, community and commitment. In this post I answer the following questions from the Movement Remedies Community:

• “If you could start with just one thing, what would you recommend that “thing” to be?”

• “What are the benefits of consistency v. intensity of movement?”

• “How do I know which movement is helping me and which movement is hurting me?”

But the corporate world wants us to believe that the ability to “manage” stress is just a muscle that you work and strengthen over time. In response to employee burnout and high turnover, executive teams schedule “Stress Management” classes, and chair massages during lunch breaks, and summer picnics with everyone’s families, in order to give the illusion that they are doing everything in their power to make the workplace “fun” and….isn’t that enough?! Surely if you could just lighten up a bit and feel grateful for the free snacks in the break room then the long work hours, the toxic power dynamics and the hostile coworker interactions just wouldn’t bother you so much.

All of this to me smells a whole lot like patriarchy. It smacks of, “Come on, girl,“just relax” in a world whose rules I didn’t write. We entered the workforce and we have made big improvements, but in reality the rules of the corporate game were written long ago by straight, white, men. This whole approach just doesn’t work.

So we’ve got to equip ourselves with some Radical Stress Resilience.

The stories we tell ourselves form the blueprint of our lives. And the stories we share with the world can change a life. One of the things I have learned is that setting stories free is a path to healing, to transformation and to freedom. Stories must be tested. Storytelling tests us as well. So much of what we allow ourselves to achieve and to feel in our lives is connected to stories – maybe those we have been told or the ones we tell ourselves, or both.

If I were to look at a Venn diagram of my clients I see for chronic pain and clients who come to me who I see as being people pleasers it would be a nearly complete overlap. And this is no coincidence. It's been shown in the research that people-pleasing is one of many character traits that are tied to increased likelihood of chronic pain.